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How I Met Your Mother

This story is not connected with the television program of the same title in any way at all and should not be so construed.  The title was chosen because it matched the story.  The lyrics to “Tip-Toe Thro’ the Tulips” were written in 1929 by Al Dubin.

How I Met Your Mother
by Paul W. Marino

The first time I saw you, I had mixed feelings. You were—and remain—the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on.  My daughter, my child.  By the same token, you did kill your mother. Of course, that wasn't your fault. It's just the way things are. But it's damn unfair. To become a father, I had to lose the one thing I loved more than myself:  My wife. Your mother. Though on the other hand, I'm getting her back through you, so it all evens out in the end.


But I'm getting ahead of myself. What you're doing now is pure instinct. Soon, you'll have my entire mind in your head; my entire being. And your mother's. And her parent's, and theirs and theirs, back through time. I couldn't wrap my head around it at first. It's so alien to the way I was taught to think. But I'm getting way ahead of myself again. It's a fault of my species. Whether we're too eager to get to the end of the story or just can't keep our thoughts straight…..I don't know. You'll know, soon enough. I hope it's not the only lesson you get from me.


God! That hurts! ……..oooh…...better. Much better, thank you. You know, she told me I wouldn't have to explain all this to you; that, as you fused our knowledge into your brain, you'd learn everything we both know. But I need to explain it. Another fault of my species, I guess. You'll just have to forgive your old man for being long winded. Besides…..it's not like I have any other use for the wind now.


I met her……..ninety years ago, I guess. I was thirty years old, which makes me damn old according to the lifespan of my species. But I was in my prime then—or what I thought was my prime. I was on a camping trip in the Rockies; about twenty of us hired a guide to lead us on an expedition up into the mountains. It was gorgeous! The air was so thin, you could see forever! Not literally, of course. But it sure felt that way.


We set up a base camp and took daily hikes from there; sometimes going up higher, above the snow line, sometimes down into the forests. One hike, we saw a group of grizzly bears—about thirty of them—in a high pasture. We saw deer, elk, mountain goats, puma. And at night, sitting around the campfire, we saw stars. A whole skyful of them, with the moon floating through them like a ship on the ocean.


At the time, I thought it was the adventure of a lifetime. And I guess it was. See, I'm trying to get ahead of myself again. The thing is, I met her on that trip. She didn't look like you do. Which is funny, because you do look like her. Stupid joke; I know. She was in disguise. Made herself look like one of us. She said later on that she found us refreshing.


I don't know…..maybe my mind is going. Or is that you? I don't know. Maybe it's my age. I'm just so tired…..


See, a lot of the guys brought their wives or girlfriends, but she and I were two of…...maybe five that had come alone. One night, we started talking. We had a lot in common; we both had an interest in astronomy and a whole lot of other things too. We started chatting on hikes, too. We were together so much, one of the wives said we ought to come back every year for our anniversary. She said it in a loud voice and everybody laughed. But it got me to thinking.


I was a bachelor at the time, and happy enough to be one. Marriage was probably the last thing on my mind. But when…….I think her name was Cyndi….. When Cyndi said that, I started thinking that this was exactly the sort of woman I'd want to marry; your mother, I mean. We had a hundred common interests, she was beautiful, had a fabulous mind. I'd started out thinking we were just having a good time together. But now?



When we packed up the camp, I asked her where she was from. She laughed and asked me where I was from. I gave her a grin. Turnabout, as they say, is fair play.
   “Spokane, Washington,” I said. She laughed again.
   “Oooh! I'm from a long way away from there!”
   “Whereabouts?” I asked. I was digging, but I said it gently. I didn't want her to think I was going to turn out to be a stalker or something. She smiled, almost mocking.
   “You can't see it from here.”


I laughed, then turned serious.
   “Look, I'm not a weirdo. I'd really like to see you again.” Her smile turned thoughtful.
   “I move around a lot,” she said, eventually. “But give me your number. If I'm ever in Spokane, I'll give you a call.” I gave her three numbers; my apartment, my office and my cell phone. Then we got busy with the packing up.


We'd come up into the mountains on horseback and went down on horseback as well. The last place I saw her was at the stables, where we turned in our horses. I offered her a ride to the airport, but she said she had her own vehicle. She actually said it that way. Then she surprised me with a kiss on the cheek. Then I blinked and she was gone.


I drove to the airport and went back to Spokane, savoring my memories all the way. Back home, I unpacked, took a shower and went to bed. The next morning, I went to the office. It's surprising how quickly the routine comes back to you; almost as if you were never gone at all. It's tight at first. There's work you need to catch up on, people you need to describe your great vacation to. You work late for a week or so, go out for a few drinks, then go home and hit the sack. And before you know it, you're back in the groove.


What a dull existence! Doing the same thing, day after day, week after week, year after year. And for what? So a couple times a year you can go off and enjoy yourself. And after thirty odd years, you can retire and pretend you had a grand old time doing it. And hope the money doesn't run out before you do. But what the hell? I was young and stupid and still thought it was the Thing to Do. So I did it.


I'd been back at it for two months when my cell phone rang. I was in the middle of drafting a contract; not the best time to take a phone call. I almost ignored it. But I didn't. Sometimes clients called me. I looked at the screen and didn't recognize the number, but that didn't mean anything. A lot of our customers prefer their numbers to be unknown.



I tapped my thumb on the call button.
   “Gerald Sweeney,” I said.
   “Gerry? This is Cora. We met on that excursion into the Rockies.” I almost snapped at her; here, I had a contract to finish and two more after that one, but I'd been thinking of her a lot. She kept me awake at night, when I should have been sleeping. I thought of her on the morning commute and on weekend nights when I looked through my telescope.
   “It's good to hear your voice,” I said. “How long are you in town?”
   “That depends. I know you're at work, so I won't keep you. What are your dinner plans?”
   “I hadn't really made any. Do you like Latino?”
   “As a matter of fact, I do.”
   “Great! Meet me at The Latin Kitchen on Locust Street at 5:30.”


I gave her the address, she thanked me and hung up and I went back to work. I breezed through the rest of the contract, proofed it and found I had to rewrite three paragraphs. But I didn't mind. In fact, I had a good laugh at myself.


The day was never so long….or so short. I left the office at five sharp and got to The Latin Kitchen in a fast twenty minutes. At the time, I didn't know why I was so eager to see her again. After all, we barely knew each other. Sure, we'd spent a week together, but it wasn't as if we'd deliberately gone there to spend time together.


But boy! When I saw her again, it was like there was an electric current running through me! She's always affected me that way, even as long as we were together. We both smiled and she gave me a gentle hug, as if we were old friends. We went in, found a table and she let me order for her. I went with my personal favorite: Beef and Chorizo kebabs, with rice, beans and fried plantains. I warned her to stay away from the hot sauce, which was potentially lethal, but to put the green sauce on everything.



When the food came, she dipped her spoon in the hot sauce and tasted it. The first time I'd done that, I jumped half out of my chair and guzzled down all my ice water, brain freeze be damned. She licked her lips and looked like she was thinking it over. Finally she said,
   “I see what you mean, but I've tasted worse.”


Beyond that, I don't remember what we talked about. Hell, it was a long time ago. All I really remember was that we talked for hours! We sat there chatting until the waiter came and told us it was closing time. We both laughed at that and I gave him an extra big tip. We went out and walked the streets for a while. I'd always thought of Spokane as a beautiful city, but to tell the truth, I didn't notice any of it. Just your Mom. Nothing else.


We walked for a while, talking. Then she said,
   “Don't you have to get up in the morning, you naughty boy?” I looked at my watch and saw she was right. It was nearly midnight. It would take me a half hour to get home, another half an hour to shower and wind down. In bed by one a.m., I'd still be two hours late.
   “You know,” I said. “I'm tempted to say the hell with it?”
   “Now you are a bad boy,” she said, laughter dancing in her eyes. “Refusing to go to bed and swearing at me to boot. I've a good mind to make you stand in the corner.”


    “There's one right over there,” I said. “Are you going to spank me, too?”
   “Not unless you behave.” We both laughed ourselves sick, then she caught herself and sobered up. “No, really. Go home. Go to bed.”
   “You sound like my mother.”
   “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
   “Neither one, really. I was just making an observation. Can I offer you a ride home?”
   “No thanks. Just make sure you get home safely.”


    “Will you still be in town tomorrow?”
   “Oh yes. I'll be in town for a while.”
   “Then maybe we can get together again?”
   “I'd like that. Very much. I'll give you a call….about Noon?”
   “Noon will be great.” She gave my hand a squeeze and walked away. I watched her go and then tried to remember where I'd parked my car. To this day, I don't remember where it was or how I got to it. I don't even remember driving home; just waking up in the morning.


We saw each other for a week. Every day, I met her after work. Every day, we ate in a different restaurant; Chinese, Thai, Italian, Seafood, you name it. The second time we got together, I asked for her number and she said she didn't have one.
   “It's like I told you,” she said. “I move around a lot. Having a phone has never been important before.”


So the next night, I gave her a cell phone, one of two I'd bought on my lunch break. She laughed and said,
   “That's adorable!” Then I showed her a second one I'd bought.
   “This is my Cora phone,” I said. "I have your number on speed dial on it and you have mine on yours. You're the only person I'm giving this number to.” She went sober…..sober as a judge and said,
   “Let me rephrase that. The phone is cute. You are adorable.”


She dropped the phone in her pocket, took my face in her hands and kissed me full on the lips, the first time she'd done it. It was mind blowing. The rest of the world went away. It literally felt like that. When our lips parted, I staggered back half a step and whispered,
   “Wow!” She looked worried for a second, then smiled, putting a hand on my shoulder. I felt a tingle run through me.
   “You play your cards right, little one, and you can get kissed like that every day.”
   “Deal me in!” I answered. She laughed, took me by the arm and asked,
   “Where are we eating tonight?”


I worked extra hard on Friday, making sure I wouldn't have to come in on the weekend. Cora and I had plans. She still hadn't told me where she was staying, but Saturday morning I met her outside a diner, where we had breakfast. Then we drove out to the park and rented a canoe to go out on the Spokane River. In the afternoon, we went hiking. In the evening, we went to my apartment, where I dazzled her with my culinary skills. Then we went to the telescope. I offered her a ride home, but she said no.
   “What is it? You live in a rusted out trailer?” She laughed at that and answered,
   “Just be patient, little one. Everything in it's own time.”


Sunday morning, we ate breakfast at another diner and she offered to show me where she lived. I took her up on it and we drove out of the city again, way out in the woods. I thought at first she must be playing with me, but for the time being, I was willing to play along. Then we got out and walked, about fifteen minutes through woods so thick there wasn't even a trail.
   “It's a cave, isn't it?” I said, more than a bit sarcastic.
   “No,” she said. "It's not a cave. Just be patient, please.”


Personally, I thought I'd been more than patient. Truth be told, I was beginning to think she was a serial killer, leading her umpteenth victim to his doom. I unsnapped the strap on my hunting knife and put my hand on the hilt. I opened my mouth to talk when she grabbed my arm and whispered,
   “Hush!” She started walking more carefully, more quietly. I did the same.


A few seconds later, we stepped out into a clearing, occupied by an RV. I started to ask how in blazes she got it there, but she gave my arm another squeeze. I felt another current run through me, except it was different. This was more like I was walking through it; and it was powerful, overwhelming. It enveloped me completely. It made me feel dizzy.

Then I saw a deer standing near the RV. It was a doe, watching us, still as a statue. Cora took a step forward and held out her hand toward it. The doe walked forward, going straight to her. Cora stroked its cheeks and neck as if it was her pet. Then she bent forward and kissed its forehead. She gave it one final caress and it turned away and melted into the woods.


It was a minute before I found my tongue.
   “A friend of yours?” Cora smiled.
   “In a way. A new acquaintance.”
   “How did you do that?” I was slurring my words this time, as if I was drunk. She frowned at me, more like she was concerned than angry.
   “There'll be time for answers later. We need to get you inside.” I was starting to reel and sway. The current or whatever it was was dragging me somewhere; things were starting to go white. Cora took my arm and I felt steadier. She led me around the RV to where the door was, opened it and helped me inside. “Just one thing, my dear…..this is like no RV you've ever seen.”
​

As soon as I was inside, the dizziness began to go away. Cora pushed me onto a seat and gave me a glass of water.
   “Drink that,” she ordered. I still wasn't seeing things clearly, so I did as I was told. The water had a strange, though not unpleasant taste, but I didn't really notice that until it was all but gone. When I'd finished it, she took the glass away and refilled it.
   “How do you feel?” She asked.
   “Better,” I said. It was true, my head was clearer, but my guts were still disoriented.
   “Keep drinking.” I kept drinking.


By the time I'd finished the second glass, I felt nearly a hundred percent. Cora was sitting next to me, her hand on my shoulder and her eyes full of concern.
   “What the hell happened?” I asked.
   “My fault,” she said softly. “That field is to keep people away. I should have been able to protect you from it, but I was distracted by the deer. They're such beautiful, gentle creatures! It's been a long time since I've made a mistake like that! Do you forgive me?”
   “Sure,” I answered, without thinking.


I was starting to notice things. Things like that the RV was a lot bigger inside than it was outside; longer, wider and taller, and it didn't look like the inside of an RV.
   “What's going on here?” Cora sighed.
   “You may recall that I told you this was like no RV you've ever seen?” I had to stop and think.
   “Yeah, I do seem to recall something like that.”
   “Well…...it isn't. In fact, it's a very different sort of RV than anyone on Earth has ever seen.”


There was something in the way she said that that set off alarms in my head.
   “What does that mean?” She sighed again.
   “The short answer is that looks can be deceiving. But it's important to note that deceit is not necessarily wicked. It can be very beneficial, like when your parents told you about Santa Claus. They wanted you to believe in magic while you were small so you would be happy and believe in things that surpassed understanding. If I've deceived you, it was because some secrets are better kept secret. But I trust you now. I trust you enough show you my secrets. Are you willing to trust me?”


I looked around. What I could see was pretty disquieting and I had a sneaking suspicion I ought to get the hell out of there, brave the field—or whatever the hell it was—and run for the car. Then I remembered how the deer had come to her, let her caress it as if it had known her all its life; then she let it go. I remembered her telling me to go home and go to bed. And the way she'd kissed me that made the rest of the world go away. I was starting to think I was crazy. I nodded.
   “Yeah. I trust you.” She smiled. It was a small, uncertain smile.


   “In that case, let's put the long answers off for a while. You'll feel a lot better after taking a nap.”
   “Are you kidding me?”
   “No. Sleep is an essential part of any healing process; by putting the body at rest, you give it the opportunity to heal itself and at its own pace. Come on.” She took me by the arm and helped me walk toward the back of the vehicle to a little room where there was a bed. And I needed help. I thought I'd been at a hundred percent, but once I was on my feet, I knew I was a lot closer to forty.


She helped me lie down, then sat next to me and smiled down at me, stroking my face.
   “Do you still trust me, little one?” It struck me as odd that she should call me that; I was at least as tall as she was. But I let it go. I was suddenly so tired it was all I could do to keep my eyes open.
   “Yes,” I said. Her smile became broader, more maternal.
   “Good,” she whispered. She bent down and kissed me on the forehead. I felt a tingle run through me and it made me think of my mother kissing me when I was a little kid and sick in bed. But I didn't have the energy to think about it. “Now be a good boy and go to sleep.” Be a good boy? My eyes slid closed. For an instant, I felt like a baby, resting in its mother's arms. Then I was gone.


I don’t know how long I slept; it must have been a couple hours, or maybe half the day.  When I woke up, I was disoriented.  It took me....maybe five minutes to remember where I was.  When it hit me, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was in this weird RV that was bigger inside than it was outside.  I panicked for a moment when I didn’t feel my knife at my hip, but then I saw it.  She’d taken it off my belt and laid near the edge of the bed.  It was on top of a note.


   You’ll be hungry when you wake up.  Meet me upstairs; I’ll have lunch ready.  Turn right as you go out of the room you’re in now.  The lift will be on your left.

I know it’s tempting, but please don’t touch anything you see except the lift.  I’ll explain everything over lunch.

Love, Cora


My first thought was, An RV with an upstairs?  I dragged myself up from the bed and was amazed at how much better I felt.  I stood up, slowly, and found I felt worlds better.  About ninety eight percent.  Why not a hundred?  My stomach was growling like an angry grizzly.


I put my knife back on my belt and walked out into the passage.  Right away, I could see what she meant about not touching anything.  The place was stiff with conduits, levers and switch panels.  A few yards down, there was a sticky note on a big, vertical conduit that read, This is the lift.  Slide the panel open, step in, close the panel and touch the second tab from the top.


For a moment--well, more than a moment, really--I was tempted to turn tail and run.  It all seemed really crazy.  But I really liked Cora and wanted to see her again.  And I wanted answers, too.  So I slid the panel open, stepped in and closed the panel.  Then I looked around and saw the tabs; ten of them.  An RV with ten floors?  This wasn’t crazy.  This was insane!  I touched the second from the top.


Instantly, I felt motion.  I was going up.  Up to where?  I didn’t know.  But when I stopped moving and the panel slid open, something smelled wonderful.  I stepped out and saw I was in more of a living area.  No equipment.  I looked around briefly and then followed my nose, which led me to a kitchen/dining area.  Cora was setting a table.  She flashed a huge smile at me and said,
   “You decided to get up, did you?”
   “It seemed the sensible thing to do.  Cora, what the hell is this place?”  She sobered at once.
   “Well......as you’ve guessed, it’s not really an RV.”
   “Yeah, I had guessed that.  So what is it?”
   “A spacecraft.”


The bottom dropped out of my stomach.  Not really, of course, but it felt like it.
   “You’re telling me I’m on a spaceship?”
   “Yes, I am.”
   “So you’re an alien?”
   “Yes, I am.  Look, why don’t you sit down?  We can talk over lunch and I’ll answer all your questions.”


She served me the best bowl of Jambalaya I'd ever eaten, washed down with ice cold beer. Ouefs a la Neige for dessert, served with a chilled white wine. I was tempted to start asking questions, but when she put the food in front of me, I didn't want to do anything but eat. Another part of the healing process, she said.


It was when we were lingering over dessert and sipping our wine that I started asking questions.
   “So you're an alien?”
   “Yes.”
   “You don't look like an alien.” She laughed at that.
   “What does an alien look like?” Well, she had me there, but I answered,
   “About…...three feet tall, gray skin, almond eyes. Bald.” It was just the most common way aliens were depicted in movies and on television. She laughed again, stood up and began undressing. “Now wait a minute!” I said, turning away.


   “Don't worry, love. I just do this better with nothing on.” She took everything off quickly and efficiently, indicating it was no strip tease. When she was naked—and beautifully so, I might add—she said, “Ready for the show?” I nodded as I ran my eyes over her. God! She was beautiful! But as I watched, her white skin faded to gray. Her arms and legs shrank, became spindly; her body shrank too. Her breasts vanished.  Her hair went as gray as her skin and melted into her head. Her mouth narrowed and her nose disappeared. Her eyes bulged and reshaped from round to almond and tilted.


Someone said,
   “Holy shit!” It sounded like it was me.
   “Is this more to your taste?” She asked.
   “Not really. How did you do that?”
   “I'm not sure the explanation would mean anything to you. Suffice it to say that it's an ability I have, so I can blend in with the local populace wherever I go.”


It took me a couple of minutes to get used to what I'd just seen. I gulped down half a glass of wine.
   “You'd do better just to breathe for a while,” she said. “Deep breaths.” I nodded and took her advice. She watched me. After a while, I asked,
   “Is that what you really look like?”
   “Heavens! No. This is just what you said an alien should look like.” As she talked, she morphed back, becoming a human woman again. “Dear heart, aliens come in all shapes and sizes and all colors, just like humans do. To most of them, looks matter a lot less than what's in the brain.”


I was feeling calmer and said,
   “What do you really look like?” She frowned.
   “I'm not certain this is a good time to show you that. You're too new to this and I don't want to frighten you.”
   “You said you trusted me,” I pouted. Not really, just teasing, you understand.
   “I do. It's just that humans are a very young species and…….all right.”
   “You don't have to do it if you don't want to.”
   “I do want to, but I want to be sure you're ready.”


   “Are you the same person inside?”
   “Yes, of course.”
   “Then I'm ready. You could have killed me a dozen times over today, especially when I was sleeping. Without trust, our relationship is nothing.” A slow smile crept over her face. She walked around the table, bent down and kissed me on the lips. The electricity ran through us and the whole world went away. I didn't even feel her end the kiss; she was just suddenly about five feet away, smiling at me.
   “Ready?” She asked in a tight, shy voice. I nodded.
   “Yes, I am.”


She closed her eyes and began morphing. Her arms divided into two each. Her hands stretched out and divided into tentacles, three at the end of each arm. Her hair became a crown of antennae. Her legs grew thinner and her feet shrank away to broad, circular things that swelled out of the bottoms of her legs. Her body pulsed with color—pinks and blues and yellows—just like you, baby girl. I thought she'd been beautiful as a woman, but as herself…...she put words like beauty to shame. Nothing can describe how utterly gorgeous she was….or how you are. Strong and delicate at the same time, light as a feather and ready to take flight. She looked like an angel. All I could do was gape at her.


   “I take it you're not frightened by this?” Her voice was hesitant, as if she might cry if I gave the wrong answer.
   “Not a bit,” I mumbled. “You're the most incredible thing I've ever seen. It's no wonder you're from space. You're too beautiful to be from Earth.” She gave a bark of laughter that was half sob.
   “Do you really mean that?” I stood up and went to her. I stroked one of her tentacles and looked into her insect eyes and answered,
   “Yes.” She closed her tentacles around me—much like you're holding me now—and I kissed her.


The whole universe went away. It was just the two of us with electricity coursing through us. Nothing else existed; anywhere. When our lips parted, I would have fallen if she hadn't been holding me. But even she staggered a bit and whispered,
   “Wow!”
   “How do you do that?” I asked, my head still spinning.
   “I don't know. Feelings enter into it and our nervous systems seem to be compatible, but beyond that…..the field is completely unexplored.”
   “Maybe we can do some research?” She laughed and released me.
   “Some other time, I think. I can't think straight right now.” It was my turn to laugh; I couldn't either.


She got me into a chair, then morphed back into a human and put her clothes on again.
   “Oooh!” She sighed. “That feels better!” I sipped my wine.
   “Being human makes you feel better than being yourself?” She laughed and started gathering up the dishes.
   “It's more that I've been wearing this disguise for a long time. You get used to it after a while. You get….comfortable with it.”
   “How long have you been wearing it?” She stopped and thought a moment, then shrugged.
   “About…...a hundred and fifty years.”


I coughed in surprise. If I'd been sipping my wine, it would have sprayed all over the table.
   “A hundred and fifty years???” I gasped. She turned and gave me an unhappy smile.
   “Gerry……I'm old. I may look thirty, but that's just the form I've chosen.” I shifted in my chair.
   “So…...how old are you? If you don't mind me asking.”
   “No, I don't mind at all. But you might. I'm in the neighborhood of…..ten thousand years. Give or take.”


   “Good grief!” I whispered. “I'm just a baby!” She laughed again.
   “No you're not, love. You're not even an embryo. You're more like…..a twinkle in your mother's eye.”
   “Great! Just great! I'm a twinkle in my mother's eye and I have to fall in love with an older woman!”
   “Don't worry, Gerry. I still have a few hundred good years left in me.” I laughed out loud and she did too and we both laughed until it hurt. I helped her wash the dishes and we giggled right through it.


When everything was put away, she took my hand and said,
   “Come with me. I have something to show you.” She took me down two levels to a deck where she had all kinds of things in storage. She went straight to a door with a huge window in it. “This,” she explained. “Is a stasis booth. Anything I put in here stays just as it is until I take it out. No death, no spoilage.” I looked in.
   “It looks like a stick.”
   “It is, but it's not just any stick. It's a willow branch.”
   “And why do you have a willow branch in stasis?”


   “Because someday, I'm going to grow it into a willow tree. You're too young to remember, but there was this funny man years ago that sang a song, Tip-Toe Thro' the Tulips.” She started singing,
   “Tip-toe, by the window,
   By the window, that's where I'll be.
   Come tip-toe, through the tulips with me.


   Oh, tiptoe by the garden
   By the garden of the willow tree
   Come tiptoe through the tulips with me


   “He sang it in a ridiculous falsetto, but it's really quite a beautiful song. Someday—somewhere—I'm going to have a garden just like that. With a big willow tree in the middle of it.”
   “Sounds romantic.”
   “It is. It's one of the things that fascinates me about your species; such a great capacity for love.”


She showed me around the ship, all of it.  From stem to stern, as they say.  It was eye popping for me.  By the time the tour was done, it was nearly ten o’clock at night.  We sat down in the dining area and drank coffee.
   “I suppose now you’re going to wipe my memory,” I said.
   “Why would I do that?”
   “Well, you’ve just shown a human being around your ship.  Can’t have him wandering around telling all and sundry about it.”
   “I don’t believe you’d do that, Gerry.  I told you I trust you.”
   “Yes, you did.”


   “The thing is.....I’ll be leaving soon.  I’ve been here a hundred and fifty years.  It’s time to move on.”  It put a pang in my heart.  It wasn’t just the kissing, though that was something all by itself.  It was that I’d miss her; something terrible.
   “I don’t suppose I’d ever see you again.”
   “Well, that depends.  You’d definitely see me again if........if you came with me.”


It hit me like a freight train.  Go with her?  Leave everything I ever knew and go off into space with an alien being?  Leave a job I tolerated.....leave a life that was bearable, but little else.  Leave friends I hardly ever saw.
   “Sign me up,” I said.
   “You have to be sure,” she said.
   “I’m sure.”
   “I mean really sure.  If there’s anyone you’re close to......you’ll never see them again.”
   “There’s no one.”
   “Friends?  Family?  Parents?”


I stood up and walked to her.
   “There isn’t anyone.  There’s only you.”  She stood up and stared at me.
   “I know this seems fast, and I suppose it is, but I’ve learned to be a keen judge of character.  I know you’re the person I want to travel with.”
   “And I know that you’re the person I want to travel with.  I will go anywhere with you.”  She looped her arms around me and hugged me.


We left that night.  She turned off the field outside, fired up the reactor and went through a complicated launch sequence.  We lifted off about two AM, leaving my Jeep parked out in the woods.  It struck me that it would be interesting to see how much of a fuss was raised over my disappearance.  There’d be an inquiry, an investigation, a lot of unanswered questions; maybe a memorial service.  Who cared?


That ship can travel at near light speed, you know.  Cora spent a couple hours getting us out to Jupiter so we could look at it up close.  We spent a week there, then did a jump into hyperspace.  She brought us with six light years of the Horsehead Nebula.  So beautiful, it was almost painful.  We visited a couple hundred planets.  She saved my life a dozen times; I saved her life more than a few times.  It became our private joke for her to call me little one and for me to call her old woman.  Except for a few times when we got caught in the middle of something bad, we were always happy.


God, I’m tired......you’ve been drinking a long time, little one.  I must be nearly gone by now......what?   Ha ha ha ha!  You want to hear the end of the story, don’t you?  You really are Daddy’s little girl......all right, little one.  Here it is:


Thirty years or so ago, I was getting really old--for my species, anyway--I hit the big nine oh; too old to go exploring anymore.  We spent ten years looking for just the right planet to settle on.  This is the one we found.  We spent another year exploring it until we found the perfect spot--the one with the best view and exactly the right conditions.  And this is where we settled and built our house.  Your mother did most of the work, of course; or at least, most of the heavy work.


The willow twig came out of stasis and was planted.  You’ll see it when you go outdoors.  It grew into a beautiful tree.  And all around it, we planted flowers.  Tulips closest to the house, and two or three dozen other varieties, some from Earth, some from other places we’d visited.  On a summer’s day, we could sit out there and the breeze would blow the perfume over to us.  Oh, we had a wonderful life here!   And from time to time, we’d sing that song together......and tip toe through the tulips.  We laughed the first time we did it, but it became an activity we both fell in love with.


Three months ago, your mother started looking sick.  She said it was nothing, but her step became heavier, her strength began to give out.  She began spending more time in bed, mostly because I insisted on it.  She used to spend much of the time in human form, for various reasons.  But as she got sicker and sicker, she began wearing her true form more and more often.  She said it was because it took too much energy to maintain the change.


I spent as much time in the spaceship as I could, searching through the computer’s database, looking to see if I could diagnose what was wrong with her.  She told me that was sweet, but not to bother.  When I asked why not, she dithered for a while and then finally said,
   “I’ve kept quiet about it because I didn’t want to worry you.  I’m pregnant.”  You could have blown me over with a breath!
   “That’s wonderful!”  I said.  “I’ve been wishing for years we could have a kid around.”  She laughed, the first time she’d done it in weeks.  “The only thing I can’t figure is how I did it.  I should have been impotent for fifty years or more.”
   “Dear heart....Gerry.....you didn’t do it.  I did it.”
   “I realize that you know more about physiology than I do, but the last I heard was that the male has to take part in making a baby.”
   “You did, just not in the way you’re accustomed to thinking.  I extracted some of your DNA last year and implanted in my.....what you’d call my uterus.  It’s a sac full of cells.  Your DNA meshed with one of the cells.  That’s what made our baby.”


   “When are you due?”
   “A few more months.  Gerry.....I’m sorry.”
   “For what?”
   “For waiting so long.  I wanted to have you as long as I could before I reproduced. My species doesn’t reproduce the way your’s does.”  That set off alarms in my head.
   “How do you reproduce?”
   “First, the father’s DNA is implanted.  The fetus forms and feeds on the other cells in the sac.  Then she eats the sac.”
   “Why don’t I like where this is going?”
   “She’s out of the sac now.  Gerry, she’s eating me.  From the inside out.”


I clapped a hand over my mouth.
   “Can we stop it?  Perform an abortion?”
   “No.  It’s too late for that.  But this is why I waited so long.  You’re not just old; by the standards of humans, you’re ancient.  I had to do it now, before you died of old age.”
   “She’s not going to be a baby, is she?”
   “Not the kind you’re expecting.  She’ll emerge from my skin nearly full adult size.”  I gripped her tentacles in my hands and wept.  She wept too, for a bit.  Then she said, “Gerry, you have to promise me something.”
   “Anything.”
   “In another month or so, I’m going to put myself into a coma.  It’s a way of enduring the pain and making it easier for her.  When I do.....I want you to leave the house.  Go out in the woods somewhere, as far away as you can get.  Remember that cave we found?  Hide in there.  You know how to find food in the woods.  You can survive there until she leaves.”


   “Why?”  I asked.  She grimaced a minute, then relaxed.
   “When she emerges, she’ll still be hungry.  She has to feed once more before she can fuse my mind with hers.  If you’re here, she’ll feed on you.”  I sat back and thought a minute.  “Do you understand me, Gerry?  She’ll kill you.  She won’t recognize you as her father, not at first.  All she’ll see is food.”
   “Now you listen to me, old woman,” I said.  “I’ve been ready to die for forty years.  I’ve been expecting it every day.  I’ve faced it a few times.  Death holds no terrors for me.  I followed you away from Earth a long time ago and I’ve never looked back.  But if I have to live in this house without you, I don’t want to live anymore.”


She stared at me for a whole minute, then smiled.  With your face in its natural form, it’s difficult to tell when you’re smiling, but I’d been with your mother a long time and I knew a smile when I saw one.
   “I’m so glad to hear you say that.  I can't tell you how glad.  It means we’ll be together again, inside her.”
   “Comforting thought,” I said, thinking I’d get a fat lot of good out of sharing your colon with her.
   “It is,” she answered.  “She’ll eat more than my body.  She’ll eat my mind, too; it’s one of the reasons I’ll put myself into a coma.  When my mind fuses with hers, she’ll have all my memories.  But I carry the memories of my parents, too, and my mother’s parents and hers and hers and hers, all the way back to our beginning as a species.  She’ll carry all those memories, too and be able to talk to us.


   “When she consumes you, she’ll drink your mind as well.  She’ll fuse it into hers and we’ll be together again.  We’ll live as long as she and her descendants live.  And we live for a long, long time.”
   “Why didn’t you tell me this in the first place?”
   “Because you’re the product of a different culture.  You just might object to being devoured by your daughter.  It’s customary to give the father the option of escaping.”
   “If it keeps us together, I can take just about anything.   Besides, I’m too damn old to go hide out in the woods.”  She smiled again.  “By the way, you keep referring to our little......darling as she.  What if it’s a boy?”
   “Won’t happen.” She shook her head.  “There are no males in my species.  We have to mate with some other species.”
   “That must have made things interesting in the early days.”


   “It did.  Apparently, we came close to extinction a few times.  Now listen carefully.  You need to know what to expect.  When she approaches you, she’ll wrap her tentacles around you.  It will be frightening, but she’ll be gentle.  She won’t restrain you unless you struggle.  She won’t so much eat you as drink you.  She’ll extend a pair of filiae into your shoulders and start sucking the liquid out of you.  It will be painful, but if you talk to her, you’ll catch her interest and she’ll drink more slowly.  That will lessen the pain.  About midway, she’ll tap into your spinal cord and get in touch with your mind.  She’ll recognize you.  It won’t stop her from drinking; she’ll still be running on instinct.  But she’ll anesthetize you near the end to make your death as painless as possible.  Then she’ll fuse you into her mind.  I’ll be waiting for you.”


About a month ago, she put herself into the coma and let you have your way with her.  Just before she did, I gave her a farewell kiss.  The universe didn’t go away, but in a way it our best kiss ever.  I guess because it was our last.  At her request, I stayed out of the bedroom.  Your emergence was going to be ugly, she said.  So I stayed around the house, waiting.  I watered the garden, sang the song for her.  And today, the door opened and you walked out, the very image of your mother, pulsing with life.


That’s the story, baby girl.  No point in holding back anymore.  You have a good life, hear?  ...........................that hurts............. honey, I need you to do something for me.........before you leave.......ow..........water the garden.......she loved it so...........thank you, baby..............I can feel her in you.........I can hear her.........Tip toe.....by the garden.....by the garden.....of the willow.....tree..........


Hello old woman.  I’ve missed you.